- Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings。
- Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy。
- Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations。
- For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple。
- Confront and master the inevitable crises of life
- Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict。
- Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and
isolation。
- Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support。
- Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time。
Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts。
關於"是什麼在經營婚姻”的研究表明， 那些擁有幸福婚姻的人們往往已經完成了這些心理“任務”。
——在感情上與你成長的家庭分開；不要到產生隔閡的地步， 但要足以使你的身份獨立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。
——在相互的親昵和一致的基礎上建立歸屬感， 但同時也要設定一些界限來保障每一個成員的自主權。
——建立一個豐富而又愉快的性關係， 並保護其免受繁雜工作和家庭義務的干擾。
——對於有孩子的夫妻， 坦然地接受“父母”這樣的嚴峻角色， 婚姻生活也會因小寶貝的出現受到影響。 作為夫妻雙方，
——面對和掌控生活中不可避免的危機。
——在面對逆境時保持婚姻觀系的穩定。 婚姻應當是一個安全的港灣， 在這裡夫妻之間可以表達他們的不同觀點， 忿怒和衝突。
——通過幽默和笑聲來正確地看待事情， 避免厭倦和孤立。
——扶持和安慰對方， 滿足各自雙方依戀的需求， 並提供持續性的鼓勵和支持。
——隨著時間的流逝， 即使面對理性的現實， 也要保持年輕時候一顆浪漫的心和墜入愛河時美好的理想。
